I lost one of the most valuable friendships I had in my life. It is a hard reality to realize that two people that have a lot of care for each other must go separate ways. It is even harder because the way it ended doesn't feel right. I am sure others can relate.
However, this post is not to dwell in the sadness of such a loss. There are two ways that people can go about it. They can either blame things besides themselves or they can take a long look at themselves to try to receive better outcomes in the future.
The reality is I don't believe it was all my doing. I think it was the both of us. However, I made enough mistakes to realize that if I don't learn the necessary lessons then it will happen again in the future. It does me no good to try to look at what the other person could have done differently.
I am quite honestly tired of picking up the pieces of my life. I would like to think my lessons are over but every time I think that I get hit with something that hurts more. I am still discovering what it was that caused a beautiful thing to explode into chaos.
I've become an expert at perseverance and overcoming insanely emotional states but I'm exhausted. Nevertheless, here we go again. It is time to suck it up because I am at least 50% to blame for being in this predicament.
The truth is if I didn’t play a large part in the outcome then I wouldn’t have needed this experience. I believe everything happens for a reason and the reason is to teach me. If I don’t listen, then shame on me. There then would undoubtedly be future experiences that cause me and others pain.
I have been hurt and hurt others more times than I want to confess. This goes for friendships, relationships, jobs, and everything else. There is a reason I go through this pain and it's usually because growth happens to me when I'm uncomfortable.
I know that I am trying. Pain can be devastating for me and shake me to my core. The only way to receive better results is to do the work to change myself. I'm supposed to be writing a book on how I have handled the mind I was gifted with.
The truth is it's a lifelong journey.
I am fighting to be the best person I can be. I'm desperate to overcome what so many in society consider a detriment or illness. I refuse to consider myself ill. I can't place that label on me. An illness deteriorates and no benefits come from an illness. That's not the case with my mind. However, it can be really hard to handle.
No one witnesses the tears behind closed doors that I quite often shed. I've prided myself on keeping myself steady in the face of extreme pain but sometimes I have to let it out. I'm not always so put together. I'm just determined to not become what they destined for me to be. I will win with relentless determination.
Only God knows the sweat I've put in for the last two decades, but I am still a work in progress. I don't have all the answers. Maybe the book is my way to figure it out as I write it.
With that said, I will end this post with the lessons I have come up with to become a better person. I am sure in time there will be more for me to learn. It's one thing to identify lessons but another thing to put them in practice. That is up to me and only time will tell.
I need to remember people are human, not just me. I have a way of crucifying the ones closest to me. I pick at them as bad as I pick at myself, if not worse. I should have more forgiveness and understanding. I should listen to where the other person is coming from prior to expressing my own concerns. It is always better to listen than talk.
I also really need to learn to let some things go. I have learned to do it in some scenarios like work and friends that are not as close. However, not to the ones closest to me and it can become suffocating for them. It is ok for me to tell someone what I won’t tolerate but I should express it in the right way. It is not always what I say but how I say it.
Lastly, I allow my emotions to take over at times. This one is challenging because of the person I am but I can continue to work on it. I should instill a 24-hour rule where when I recognize I am emotionally charged, I wait at least 24 hours to take any action.
It is up to me to put these lessons to work and receive better results. What do you need to work on to improve your interpersonal relationships?
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